Ceci N'est Pas Une Pipe

It's all the rage these days, I thought I'd give it a go. It may look like a stock photo, but that's actually my own hand.

Elsewhere: TWoP Bayliss

It's that time of the month again, when TWoP's Jacob comes flying into the AI forum hell bent on parading his mod status by lecturing and berating posters over at TWoP. Jacob, aka TWoP Bayliss, has rechristened himself so that he can double the asshole behavior without having to double the effort... that's just lazy if you ask me. Here's the current edict:

So, to review. The topic of this thread is the episode that took place on Wednesday. The topic is not:

How we all should define the word "American." That leads nowhere good, you've already been asked to knock it off, and it's gross. It's gross behavior, it's a tacky conversation, and there's no response that's also on-topic, so drop it.

The etymology of the words "ethnicity," "race," or "nationality," the linguistic hairsplitting that obtains thereabouts, and why our fellow posters are thus terrible people.

Single Mothers: fact or fiction? (Related: Where Fantasia's babies come from.)

How many different words for "whore" can we think of? ...How about for a teenage girl?

It's not "snark," it's just gross. It's not smart, not funny, not interesting, and it's not your best. Please conduct yourselves like adults and remember the topic at hand. Unless you happened to spot a single mother giving birth to a half-Lebanese baby while signing her US citizenship papers last night on the show, the consequences of breaking the FAQ rules just got a lot more intensive.

Magic word for today? *** gross ***. Picking your underwear out from ass-wedge? Gross. Eating a pizza dropped on a used baby diaper? Gross. Discussing what the word "American" means? Ew... fucking gross... so stop it!

More random act of Jacobian madness can be found in the tales of woe in the TWoP thread in the RoyalMisfits forum. If you're new to the forum, ask the locals for directions.

New Orleans, French Quarter, Statue

The Cooler Buzz: I Read the Forums to Keep You Up To Date!

The Hamptons? The Caymans? Baja? Where are the trendiest Misfits summering this season? My dears, there is only one place to be if you are a true Royal…. Rehab! Oh, yes. The constant news and excitement being generated on the board has led to a break down in our delicate systems requiring we be admitted under the graceful diagnosis of “Nervous Exhaustion.” Of course, for the true Misfit, just any Rehab facility simply will not do. We’ve admitted ourselves into the finest virtual dollars can buy - The Dinah Lohan Center for Recovery From Enforced Self-Denial. At the Center, we are expected to give up NOTHING. But, Dinah will hang out with us as we party, enjoy the unlimited use of the spas and hot tubs, the on-call masseuse, the free breast enhancements, the designer clothing sans unmentionables, and the dance ‘till dawn discothèque. Her method is quite simple. She follows us around, “keeping an eye on us” seeing to it that we do not allow public opinion to dictate that we “reign it in!” The program has earned kudos in all the right social circles!

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CD Review - Idlewild

Make Another World. 10 tracks, plus 2 Amazon.com Exclusive Bonus Tracks. Sanctuary Records.


As most people who read this blog already know, Idlewild is my favorite band. Their latest album, the one I'm about to review, came out in early April, but I didn't actually get it until last week. Bad fan! But now that I have it, I wonder how I ever lived without it. Yes, it's that good.


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CD Review - Tracey Thorn

Out of the Woods. 11 tracks. Virgin/EMI.

Few singers can find the heart of a song like Tracey Thorn. For more than two decades as the voice of Everything but the Girl, The 44-year-old Brit ably navigated a maze of musical styles from gauzy jazz/pop to jangly neo-folk to angular electronica by zeroing in on the work’s aching core. Her emotional compass is aided by a husky, melancholic tone that sounds like the hitch one gets in the throat right before a long, liberating sob.

But though that compass is uncannily accurate, it’s not infallible, and on “Out of the Woods,” only Thorn’s second solo effort in 25 years, she loses her way. On indefinite leave from EBTG—co-founder and longtime paramour Ben Watt seems content to focus on DJ-ing at the moment—the singer has recruited a cadre of beat-masters from the British electronica underground, including producer Ewan Pearson, who has worked with Goldfrapp and Depeche Mode. The result is a synth-heavy album that blips and burbles along with little purpose or panache.
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Don't Wanna blah blah blah fat man cakes. Pt 2

Repetition is what makes the whole thing work. Going to the gym on the first day is tough, what with all the baggage of newness and shyness of being exposed as unworthy. Going back after a prolonged absence is hard also, since previous levels of competence are not sitting, waiting for you like a forgotten savings account. The first day is necessary, but it’s only the beginning: it’s the days after when the effect kicks in, the repetition of the routines over and over that make the process work. The repetition is part of what drives people away from the gym and exercise. Fortunately, there are benefits beyond the reclamation of the ability to put your shoes on without being out of breath; first a little bit about getting started.
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"A Pure Drop in an Ocean of Noise"

Jeff Buckley
November 17, 1966 - May 29, 1997
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Don't Wanna Be a Fat Man

I recently had the misfortune (good fortune?) of seeing some pictures of myself. Now, I’m not disfigured or bald, though maternal genes tell me that I have the baldness to look forward to also, but I have packed on a good-sized 10 year old to carry around with me. How? No spectacular eating of fatty (delicious) foods. I haven’t had many steaks, no lobster, no pate, not much beer or liquor, not much cake and ice cream…so how? It must be I.R.I.(Internets Related Inactivity). A friend of mine has called his incipient jowls a “neckfurter”. If this is so, I have a “neck loin” going, like a trapdoor opened under my chin and let out its airbag. This must end. I have to seek out the sweat.
So, how? Walking, biking, or running where I live, in the sub-tropics, is out. I have a gym membership, so that’s probably my best option. Let me say that my slide into the world of elastic waistbands, and guayaberra shirts (never tucked in) was preceded by any number of reclamation projects. I have belonged to a gym for 10 plus years, and most of that 10 years, I utilized their services. This last year or so has been my undoing, so I have to recreate good habits and ruts…er I mean routines
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The Cooler Buzz: I Read the Forums So You Can Keep Up!

My dears! Are you wearing black? Protocol demands it! After all, it is the Royal Misfits’ First Annual Week of Mourning to Remember the Night the Music Died: Season Five Final Three Results Show. (Heretofore to be known as FAWOMTRTNTMD:SFFTRS.) Of course, being Misfits, the FAWOMTRTNTMD:SFFTRS was immediately turned into a party of sorts as it was revealed that the source of our sorrow, Elliott Yamin, is alive and well, and kicking his way up the music charts. Nevertheless, ceremony dictates that one pay respectful tribute to his untimely exit on Final Three Night by flying our avis at half-mast and replaying Elliott’s Season Five performances ad nauseam on YouTube in memoriam.

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Quote of the Day

A great poet, a really great poet, is the most unpoetical of creatures. But inferior poets are absolutely fascinating. The worse their rhymes, the more picturesque they look. The mere fact of having published a book of second-rate sonnets make a man quite irresistible. He lives the poetry he cannot write. The others write the poetry that they dare nor realise. ~ Oscar Wilde

Quote of the Day

Suspicion is a heavy armor, and with its weight it impedes more than it protects.
~Robert Burns

American Idol’s Fab Four: What each needs to do to win

It’s hard to believe the most controversial season of “American Idol” is almost over. Seems like only yesterday we were slogging through a seemingly endless month of auditions, making our early assessments --that Tami Gosnell’s gonna go all the way!-- and wondering whether Paula would actually say anything coherent this year. (Answer: We’ll get back to you.) Throughout the occasionally bumpy journey there have been loud complaints about the overall quality of the singing. Ratings, though still strong, have slipped slightly. And even longtime fans admit that the show’s formula may be showing signs of age.

Yet there’s no denying that in the final stages of Season 6, after Haley’s legs, Sanjaya’s hair experiments and Phil’s…indisputable Phil-ness, we are left with a quartet of first-rate contenders, each of whom has a rightful claim to the “Idol” title. There’s Melinda, the consummate pro; Lakisha, the down-to-earth single mother with the voice of a born R&B diva; Jordin, the adorable teen phenom; and Blake, the edgy beatboxer and arguably the most original performer ever to appear on the show. What’s cool about the final four this year is that none has a lock on the win a la Carrie Underwood or Taylor Hicks. Each has strengths and weaknesses that could sway the outcome in the days leading up to the finale. Playing up those strengths will be crucial, so we offer this talented foursome a little unsolicited advice on how to win.

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THE COOLER BUZZ: I Read the Forums So You Can Keep Up!

My dears, a word of caution. Please remember that when meeting the Queen of England, one must always use the genteel phrase “How do you do,” rather than the colloquial “Pleased to meet you.” Also, one simply must not ask Her Majesty for her royal opinion on the recent break-up of Wills and Kate. It’s simply not done! If you will be attending the Kentucky Derby, and find that you have an allergy to equine dander, do not approach Her Royal Highness to ask if she might be carrying a package of Kleenex in her ever-present purse. In short, Royal Misfits are to be on their best behavior for the visit of Queen Elizabeth II and at the Kentucky Derby where she will be in royal attendance. Obviously, this will be a bit of a challenge as the Misfits have been known to be more “Fergie” than “Camilla,” particularly these past two weeks when the mischievous Misfits have been Royally prolific. So, don your hats (but do leave your hat pins at home to avoid the temptation to poke someone in the eye) and join me for a spot of tea as we review the adventures of the Royals at the races!

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Nobody Cares About Who You're Pimping This Week: The Noisettes

The Noisettes

I read the hype. The hype that said The Noisettes were the most buzzworthy of a beehive of new bands. The hype that said lead singer/bassist Shingai Shoniwa sang like the love child of Karen O. of Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Billie Holiday.

Pffft.

Then I heard ‘The Count of Monte Cristo’. And I believed.
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